Well, so it's been over a month since my last blog, but there really hasn't been to much to write about. I've lost a total of 24.6 lbs with weight watchers, and 33 lbs since my first Dr. appointment. Yay me! :) It really has been very easy. I haven't had any sugar since November 16th, and I don't really ever crave it. I had mm's all over my house in December as apart of my decorations and didn't eat one! I didn't really even want one. I had several friends and their kids over one night and we decorated gingerbread houses. I didn't even lick icing off my fingers. (That was hard, but not because I wanted the sugar, I just did not want to have to go to the sink every 2 seconds).
Ever since my diagnosis of diabetes I was crazy worried about Christmas day. We eat breakfast at my sister's house and she makes some amazing breakfast casseroles, and mom has homemade sweet rolls. I ate 2 boiled eggs and some Greek yogurt. We then drove to St. Simons just in time for Christmas dinner at my aunt and uncle's house. This is where most of my worry was placed. You see, my uncle is an AMAZING chef! I always say chef because he is much more than just a good cook. One of my favorite things about Christmas dinner is his scalloped oysters...with butter, creme, and LOTS of saltine crackers. He also makes some amazing desserts. I made up my mind about what I would eat weeks before Christmas and made a sugar free pumpkin pie so that I would have something sweet to eat with everyone else. I called my aunt to find out what was on the menu and decided I would eat turkey, beef, and collard greens. I even decided that I would eat a serving of scalloped oysters....eating around the crackers. It was great! Everything tasted amazing and I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything. That was totally God's grace! I even lost 4.8 lbs that week!
Mom and Mema gave me several gift certificates to Anytime Fitness here in Cleveland for Christmas and I joined at the beginning of the month. I have been once. I do NOT like to exercise. I feel like I am under a microscope and that people are thinking..."Look at that girl jiggle as she runs"...."She only walked for 30 min?" "She is so slow, that's not going to get her anywhere". I also have a fear of the weights because I don't know what I'm doing and don't want to look like a fool. This is something that must get over and have been praying about. If you read this, and pray, please pray that the Lord would give me a desire to work out, and that I would find/make a friend that would work out with me to make my workouts more enjoyable. (Funny how prayer works, I just typed that sentence and got a text from a friend asking if I wanted to 'play' Just Dance on the Wii tomorrow! I love when prayers are answered before they are even asked.)
Speaking of exercise, I'm meeting with a friend tomorrow who offered to help me with personal training. I said at the beginning of this journey that I want to be completely honest with myself and my readers, both of you, so here's another truth. I am scared! I'm not worried about sweating or hard work, I'm scared of disappointing her. I scared of her thinking less of me because of my lack of stamina, or the state of my out-of-shapeness (yes it's a word :) ) I'm scared of failure and not being able to do what is asked of me. Why oh why is it so hard for me to be content in Jesus. Why is his loving me not enough? Why do I need the approval of others? I need to cast off the cares of this world and the things that weigh me down and live in the freedom that is Jesus. Sometimes I feel like a prisoner that has been released from jail, but doesn't know how to walk out. So, I took the first step and committed to 4 sessions with her. I really do know that she truly has a heart of gold and wants me to be successful. She cares about me and whats me to succeed. Oh how I let the enemy win the battle in my mind.
Speaking of the mind, I've been thinking a lot about that lately. My whole battle with weight and exercise has been a battle of my mind. I would eat because I deserved it. I needed the ice cream, or chocolate, or chips because I'd had a bad dad, or a good day, or whatever. I could rationalize eating anything. I feel like my success this far has first occurred in my mind...most thanks to my diabetes. Sugar is not beneficial for my blood sugar so I made a mental decision not to eat it. That is why it has been so easy for me to say no to dessert, even when it is right in front of me. I made up my mind early that I would say no to sugar. Before I started this journey, I would tell myself that it was too hard to say no, that I was genetically inclined to be fat, or that it wasn't worth it....all lies. It's amazing what a simple change of mindset can do. I can only thank Jesus for that change....that's the only explanation for where it came from.